Always know I'm here.

Dear Lailah,
I haven't written to you in quite some time. I've had a lot going on in my life.
I've had two uncles pass away recently, you didn't know them very well, but you are extremely empathetic so you can sense the pain that it's brought me.
We had my ex best friend Tom move in for a short period - about a month. That was an interesting experience for all of us, I think. Justin and I opened out marriage and I dated Tom as well. But Tom ended up showing me abusive tendencies that I recognized quickly and I just as quickly cut off from. Sometimes in life you have to let relationships and friendships go that no longer are healthy, beneficial, or equal anymore. I hope that one day if you struggle in a relationship you'll know that you have the power and strength to let go and that I will always be here to support you through that extremely difficult choice.
I love Tom, and I miss him - who he was for me, who I believed he was for 8 years. BUT that doesn't make abuse okay. Gas lighting - doing or saying something upsetting or harmful and then acting like the victim is the crazy one or that they're too sensitive, blowing things up out of control etc. is not okay. Touching your body in any manner without your consent - is not okay. Tom would often grab my arms or hands and twist them, it was painful and NOT okay.
Who I believed Tom was and who I absolutely adored for 8 years is not the same person he truly is. Abusive people can disguise themselves for very long periods of time and they pick up on the traits you like and desire and they hold up that façade to keep you fooled.
I hope you never ever have to face such a situation, but if you do I want you to know that you're not alone, that abusive people target anyone and that it has nothing to do with you personally, that you are not weak or anything that he attempts to convince you that you are.
You are a strong, capable, wonderful woman who deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. You do NOT have to - and I hope you choose not to - tolerate abuse and harmful personalities.

I've started listening to peaceful parenting audiobooks lately, so that I can work on being the best parent I can be for you. I have been trying to connect more to you lately and heal our relationship with one another. You seem to engage in the healing and connecting with me and for that I feel extremely grateful.

I've been recognizing how intelligent you truly are. How much of a free thinker you are, how deeply you can think into things and contemplate people, life events, and situations. You surprise me every day. You are years ahead of your time.
When it comes to academic learning I realize that you face a lot of anxiety and fear (I blame the public school system), you tend to get stuck on whatever it is you're working on and you sort of go in circles within the same topic. It's not a bad thing or anything wrong, it's an anxiety block and I have faced it throughout my life as well.
I hope that I can encourage you to want to learn academics on your own again without feeling fear of failing. I hope to encourage you to learn simply because learning honestly is a lot of fun. We develop ourselves into who we are meant to become by constantly learning and adapting. <3

Overall, I love you and I will do my very best to always be here for you and be who you need me to be.