Dear Lailah,
You have passed the 8.5 age mark and are headed quickly into age 9. You are such a kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving, understanding, and energetic little girl. You make my heart happy. You've joined cheerleading this year and you really enjoy it. I was nervous at first about you getting into cheerleading since you previously have complained about attending sports often but you're doing really well with it, even though it's almost nightly and on Sundays as well.
You're also being homeschooled by me this year. It's stressful for me and difficult because I have both you and your brother to tend to. You need most of my attention since you do best with me reading the information to you and helping you understand the content while your brother also demands my attention because he is only 2 and bored. But we will find a way to make it work, we've just started a couple weeks ago and we're still getting into the swing of things.
You still really hate sleeping in your own bed, even though you sleep in our room. You have anxiety, so you get very anxious about it. We have started this past week putting your brother and you to bed in the same bed but your brother crawls into ours a few hours later. Most mornings after Justin leaves for work you crawl into bed with us, your brother and I, as well.
I was thinking spur of the moment, that maybe you would like to know about who I am at this point in life. I was thinking to myself how I would have liked something to look back on to see who my mom was and what she thought about herself when I was little. So, here it is:
I'm 26 at the moment. I am a mom first and foremost. Next, I am an activist. I stand with others who work to protect the innocence and rights of children. I am extremely anti routine circumcision. Circumcision is a barbaric act of torture done to baby boys here in America. Little boys are defenseless and parents have their penis skinned alive. It is something that should absolutely not be done. I work with others on informing expecting parents of the dangers and harms of circumcision. I also am admin of a gentle parenting page as I advocate for respectful parenting. I am not a perfect parent as neither is most parents. But I work hard at being the best mom I know how to be. I read gentle parenting books and I work hard on healing myself so that I can be the best mom I can be. I yell sometimes, I get frustrated, I am human and I am still growing as a person, as an individual. I spend a lot of time on the internet, on Facebook. I honestly have an addiction to it and I am SO sorry about that. I've been trying to limit how much time I spend on it and I've been working on spending more time with you and your brother. But the internet is the only place I really get adult interaction. As much as I love your brother and you, I NEED adult interaction too. Especially on days where I am stressed to the max and need help cooling down - I can instantly message and vent to a friend and it helps tremendously. I am anti vaccine because of the dangerous toxins contained in them all, the formaldehyde, the aluminum, the animal kidneys, tissues, and bloods, the human fetal DNA, the mercury, among other harmful toxic carcinogens. Nevermind the fact that hundreds thousands of children are permanently disabled or dead because of vaccine injuries. Vaccines destroy the blood brain barrier of the brain which leads to all kinds of complications. I am pro choice because I believe that a woman should have the choice whether or not to bring a new life into the world for her to either raise herself or live with the daily torture of someone raising her child for her. There are many circumstances that are out of our control in which raising a child is not suitable or desirable at that time and no woman should be forced to carry a child and birth it - the child doesn't deserve that either, being born to a mother who can not raise him or her properly and the only option being some sort of trauma. I am very anti infant adoption and pro family preservation. Adoption is a multi billion dollar industry that preys on typically young resourceless women who are facing depression. They use her hormonal state against her and lead her to believe she can not parent, that parenting would be selfish of her, that she is unworthy etc. Yes, that's what happened to me with your brother Bennett. We can talk more about it when you're an adult. Probably after you receive this, if you're interested.
Hm, I think I touched on everything.... This is who I am right now, I may or may not change over time. But what I know will not change for sure is my love for you. <3
You still see a therapist - Gabrielle, for your anxiety. You like going to see her, although, you push boundaries with her as well. She will ask you to pick 3 colors and you'll try to pick 6 colors. You push whatever you can if you feel you can get away with it. I usually have to step in and enforce a boundary for you to abide by.
