8 years old and a difficult year ahead..

Dear Lailah,
You have turned 8 this month. Recently has been quite hard on you and I both. In January I was hospitalized for a few weeks and you had a really difficult time with that. I am really sorry to you but I needed the help for me to be the best mom I can be for you. I am sorry that my past unresolved issues and traumas impact the kind of mom I am for you.. I really truly am trying my very best each and every day. I have been reading books on peaceful parenting, working on stopping my yelling impulses, and I've really been trying to reconnect more and more with you each day. It's really difficult though because you are emotionally struggling really bad recently and I don't know what I can do to help you. I've put you into play therapy - you've had 3 visits so far. I don't know if it will be of any benefit to you yet. You are a very sensitive little girl and I don't know how to help you through your emotions. Knowing that, it makes me feel very sad and helpless. When I was a child I got beat for having my emotions, I got told "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." And that really affected me.. now as an adult I struggle with knowing what to do to help you through those big tough emotions. I've been trying to cuddle with you, hold you, let you know that I am there and I hear your emotions but sometimes it seems to make it worse. I have been feeling lately that no matter what I do, I can't make you happy.. and your happiness is all I want for you; well - and your health. Your health is a given. I couldn't imagine anything ever endangering you, it would ruin me.
I didn't do so well on your birthday, I regret it, and I am very sorry. I let something on Facebook trigger and upset me and I couldn't control how upset it made me. I ended up leaving Friendly's early and went to sit in the car. I should have been better for you. I should have controlled my emotions or had not even gotten involved with it in the first place. It was a video of a little girl with her mom hitting her in the face with a rolled magazine in front of her classroom and other people were praising the mom, saying she was doing a good thing.. and it really upset me and set me off. I wasn't 100% for you and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. :(
I just hope you know how entirely much I love you. I truly truly do. <3