LOL Facebook has reminded me of some things from previous years today :
Last year - Justin went in the kitchen to make mommy food.
You called out to him asking if he is in the kitchen.
He replied, no that he is on the roof
You said, "Really? Jump off the roof!"
You: I got a big Nog Head.
Justin: What?
You: I got a big Nog Head, look *slams you head into his and laughs hysterically.*
Justin: OWWWWWWWWW
You: See !! That's my big Noggin !
lmao, you're so funny. - 2013
I made a post about how your softball team called you Peanut while cheering you on at base to bat. In 2013.
You took up the entire bed as I was in the bathroom. When I got back you were singing, "I'm taking the whole bed up" over and over. So I laid on you and started biting your cheeks.
You: Don't eat me, you little MONSTER!!! I'm not FOOD!!"
LOL - 2013
You and I got out of the shower, I was getting dressed but you were slacking.
Me: Come on, get dressed, What are you waiting for?
You: Santa Claus *laughs hysterically*
hahahha, :p - 2012
Lailah reading One fish Two fish Blue fish Red fish - "Some are happy, some are sad, and some are mean !!! Some are nice....
One falls... guess what? Oh well... One can fly, one can fly !!
How many hands I have?! One, two, three, for, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen !!
Push the bike up, push the bike up ! STOP, three !
Mom... I really don't like this bed.. my feet are sticking out !
Oh... okay mom.... bye.
As you can... oh. Ohh I get two fishy ! I get a moon ! Hello?
I can't do stuff, I wanted... I got a book, call it a book.
Look, he open the gate and water goes all over him, all over he's floor because his curtain is open... splashing the floor... nevermind washing up, he's a baby.
Drinking all the way down.. this is him tummy. He's still drinking.
Next and again !
some and spray, I'm gonna hand a cake. hot and spray, I could it's pouring and rain, I don't like the rain so I took this on my head. Sprayed water all over the place he has to get nice and clean.
hello mom, he has to get his cord okay, look, the mouse cut the cord.
Cutting your hair in the pool... I dropped all mine *laughs* rings go on he's head.
And he's stuck in the puddle !
He's sleeping... anddddddddd.... hot and spray, shut the bugs off, I got your hand and you can do it.
The end."
LOLOLOL - 2012
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
The ways of your grandmother
Dear Lailah,
Last Monday there was a situation where Justin had set a limit with you, he told you that you had to come home because I sent him to go pick you up. You were begging him to call me and Noel was tantruming and he got overwhelmed. When he got overwhelmed he said, "No Lailah, you do not need to call your mom because we are going home. Your mom sent me to pick you up and that's what I'm doing." He was not wrong in setting this limit with you but you persisted and he let you call me. When you called me I told you you had to come home because you had softball... Then we hung up and Justin called me. While we were on the phone I overheard your Mammee, my "mom", flipping out on Justin, screaming at him like a crazy person. She then told Justin to have me call her, which I did. During that call she was screaming at me that Justin is abusive to you (which he is not, he simply set a limit with you) and that I should leave him. I refused to leave him and reminded her that my dad used to beat me as a kid and that was acceptable but now limits are not? She got even more angry and she started threatening me. I hung up on her and she called back but I forwarded it. She left me a nasty message full of threats which she later followed through on.
I am telling you all this so that one day when you want to know why your grandmother isn't in your life you'll have this to look back on instead of me saying I don't remember. This isn't the first time she's been like this. The last time we cut contact with her for a while was when she locked us out of her house while we lived in the basement and you kept knocking on the door to eat and she ignored you for hours and hours until I finally left and took you with me and we moved in with Papa Doug. Before that she kicked me out when I was pregnant with Bennett and she kept you from me, threatening me that she would have DCYF take you away from me and give you to her if I tried to take you with me. I was so afraid of her back then... but I am NOT afraid of her anymore.
I have had to make the difficult decision to eliminate her from all of our lives. She is not healthy for any of us nor she is stable enough to attempt a relationship with. She does this with everyone in her life. She is a narcissist and she will never change. When you're an adult, if you want to, you can attempt a relationship with her yourself. But I want you to be fully warned on who she is and who she most likely always will be. I'm 26 and in all these years she hasn't changed... as her daughter I have never been important to her, I've never meant anything to her, and she has never loved me. Narcissists can't love... the only way they pretend to love anyone is if that person benefits them in some way. When I no longer was benefitting her she no longer needed me and so she wanted to tear Justin and I up so that I would need her and therefore she could use and manipulate me. I don't want this for you or your brother. As much as I don't want her to ever abuse me again - I couldn't live with myself if I allowed her to ever hurt you or your brother in the ways that she's hurt me.
She's done everything she could to hurt us. She's taken my van, she's turned off our phones, she's kicked us down.
But Justin and I are working our butts off for you and your brother and we're gonna make it work. We will figure it out.
I also let you know that everything that happened had NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with how unstable your grandmother is.. you were being a normal 8 year old and Justin was setting a healthy limit as your caretaker as he should. Neither of you were in the wrong. I let you know how important you are to me and our family and that we love you very very much.
We do, you are a piece to our puzzle and we can't imagine life without you.
I love you, my sweet girl. <3 to the moon and back.
Last Monday there was a situation where Justin had set a limit with you, he told you that you had to come home because I sent him to go pick you up. You were begging him to call me and Noel was tantruming and he got overwhelmed. When he got overwhelmed he said, "No Lailah, you do not need to call your mom because we are going home. Your mom sent me to pick you up and that's what I'm doing." He was not wrong in setting this limit with you but you persisted and he let you call me. When you called me I told you you had to come home because you had softball... Then we hung up and Justin called me. While we were on the phone I overheard your Mammee, my "mom", flipping out on Justin, screaming at him like a crazy person. She then told Justin to have me call her, which I did. During that call she was screaming at me that Justin is abusive to you (which he is not, he simply set a limit with you) and that I should leave him. I refused to leave him and reminded her that my dad used to beat me as a kid and that was acceptable but now limits are not? She got even more angry and she started threatening me. I hung up on her and she called back but I forwarded it. She left me a nasty message full of threats which she later followed through on.
I am telling you all this so that one day when you want to know why your grandmother isn't in your life you'll have this to look back on instead of me saying I don't remember. This isn't the first time she's been like this. The last time we cut contact with her for a while was when she locked us out of her house while we lived in the basement and you kept knocking on the door to eat and she ignored you for hours and hours until I finally left and took you with me and we moved in with Papa Doug. Before that she kicked me out when I was pregnant with Bennett and she kept you from me, threatening me that she would have DCYF take you away from me and give you to her if I tried to take you with me. I was so afraid of her back then... but I am NOT afraid of her anymore.
I have had to make the difficult decision to eliminate her from all of our lives. She is not healthy for any of us nor she is stable enough to attempt a relationship with. She does this with everyone in her life. She is a narcissist and she will never change. When you're an adult, if you want to, you can attempt a relationship with her yourself. But I want you to be fully warned on who she is and who she most likely always will be. I'm 26 and in all these years she hasn't changed... as her daughter I have never been important to her, I've never meant anything to her, and she has never loved me. Narcissists can't love... the only way they pretend to love anyone is if that person benefits them in some way. When I no longer was benefitting her she no longer needed me and so she wanted to tear Justin and I up so that I would need her and therefore she could use and manipulate me. I don't want this for you or your brother. As much as I don't want her to ever abuse me again - I couldn't live with myself if I allowed her to ever hurt you or your brother in the ways that she's hurt me.
She's done everything she could to hurt us. She's taken my van, she's turned off our phones, she's kicked us down.
But Justin and I are working our butts off for you and your brother and we're gonna make it work. We will figure it out.
I also let you know that everything that happened had NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with how unstable your grandmother is.. you were being a normal 8 year old and Justin was setting a healthy limit as your caretaker as he should. Neither of you were in the wrong. I let you know how important you are to me and our family and that we love you very very much.
We do, you are a piece to our puzzle and we can't imagine life without you.
I love you, my sweet girl. <3 to the moon and back.
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Lailah answers questions age 8
Lailah answers questions age 8:
At what age is a person an adult? And why do you think so?
Would be... I'll say 20. Because 20 is like an adult number and like 15, 13, 19 and stuff like that is like teenagers and kids is up to 10... 5, 9, 3, and babies are up to 1, 2, 3... and then so that's why I think 20 should be an adult. And now you know why 20 should be an adult.
If you could change one rule that your family has what would it be?
Asking for stuff like ice cream, if we could go out places, and not being told to go to bed.
What is something that makes your family special?
Everything. Just everything.
Of all the things you're learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you're an adult?
Read, write, being nice, math, not procrastinating.
How would the world be different if animals could talk?
It would be different because animals don't talk.
Would you cheat on a test if you knew you wouldn't get caught? Why or why not?
No because I like to try and learn and try things on myself and try to learn how to spell and get some help if I need help I'll ask the teacher rather than try to cheat because that wouldn't be very nice.
If you could grow up to be famous what would you want to be famous for?
An artist! A singer, a teacher, a paramedic, a music teacher, a mom, dancer, jumper.
If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
nothing
What is the hardest thing about being a kid?
School.
If you were a teacher, and all the kids in your class were not listening to you, what would you do?
Go tell the principle to come in and make them be quiet.
If you could give one gift to every single child in the world, what would you give?
Their favorite thing.
What five words do you think most describes you?
Nice, kind, loving, happy, emotional
What would you think would be the hardest thing about being blind?
That you can't see.
If you had to make one rule that everyone in the world had to follow, what rule would you make, and why?
No making wars, no fighting. Because that is being mean and you could hurt other people.
Who is your best friend?
Mya, Lucinda, Lolinda, Noel, my family, Savannah, Braiden, McKaiden, Felix, Julianna, and that's it.
If you had 3 wishes what would you wish for?
Go places, have fun, and be with my family.
Name one thing that scares you.
Bees.
What is the best and worst thing about your mom?
That she loves me and cares about me... and nothing that is worse.
Are you sure?
yes.
What is the best and worst thing about your dad?
That he loves me and cares about me, and that he threatens to ground me.
What is the best and worst thing about your step dad?
He cares about me, loves, and that he yells at me.
What do you do when you're scared to make it less scary?
If I'm scared of something I tell somebody and they handle it and I won't be scared anymore.
Who is the worst person in the world?
Mean people who I don't even know.
What is the most disgusting thing you can think of?
Fighting.
At what age is a person an adult? And why do you think so?
Would be... I'll say 20. Because 20 is like an adult number and like 15, 13, 19 and stuff like that is like teenagers and kids is up to 10... 5, 9, 3, and babies are up to 1, 2, 3... and then so that's why I think 20 should be an adult. And now you know why 20 should be an adult.
If you could change one rule that your family has what would it be?
Asking for stuff like ice cream, if we could go out places, and not being told to go to bed.
What is something that makes your family special?
Everything. Just everything.
Of all the things you're learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you're an adult?
Read, write, being nice, math, not procrastinating.
How would the world be different if animals could talk?
It would be different because animals don't talk.
Would you cheat on a test if you knew you wouldn't get caught? Why or why not?
No because I like to try and learn and try things on myself and try to learn how to spell and get some help if I need help I'll ask the teacher rather than try to cheat because that wouldn't be very nice.
If you could grow up to be famous what would you want to be famous for?
An artist! A singer, a teacher, a paramedic, a music teacher, a mom, dancer, jumper.
If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
nothing
What is the hardest thing about being a kid?
School.
If you were a teacher, and all the kids in your class were not listening to you, what would you do?
Go tell the principle to come in and make them be quiet.
If you could give one gift to every single child in the world, what would you give?
Their favorite thing.
What five words do you think most describes you?
Nice, kind, loving, happy, emotional
What would you think would be the hardest thing about being blind?
That you can't see.
If you had to make one rule that everyone in the world had to follow, what rule would you make, and why?
No making wars, no fighting. Because that is being mean and you could hurt other people.
Who is your best friend?
Mya, Lucinda, Lolinda, Noel, my family, Savannah, Braiden, McKaiden, Felix, Julianna, and that's it.
If you had 3 wishes what would you wish for?
Go places, have fun, and be with my family.
Name one thing that scares you.
Bees.
What is the best and worst thing about your mom?
That she loves me and cares about me... and nothing that is worse.
Are you sure?
yes.
What is the best and worst thing about your dad?
That he loves me and cares about me, and that he threatens to ground me.
What is the best and worst thing about your step dad?
He cares about me, loves, and that he yells at me.
What do you do when you're scared to make it less scary?
If I'm scared of something I tell somebody and they handle it and I won't be scared anymore.
Who is the worst person in the world?
Mean people who I don't even know.
What is the most disgusting thing you can think of?
Fighting.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
8 years old and a difficult year ahead..
Dear Lailah,
You have turned 8 this month. Recently has been quite hard on you and I both. In January I was hospitalized for a few weeks and you had a really difficult time with that. I am really sorry to you but I needed the help for me to be the best mom I can be for you. I am sorry that my past unresolved issues and traumas impact the kind of mom I am for you.. I really truly am trying my very best each and every day. I have been reading books on peaceful parenting, working on stopping my yelling impulses, and I've really been trying to reconnect more and more with you each day. It's really difficult though because you are emotionally struggling really bad recently and I don't know what I can do to help you. I've put you into play therapy - you've had 3 visits so far. I don't know if it will be of any benefit to you yet. You are a very sensitive little girl and I don't know how to help you through your emotions. Knowing that, it makes me feel very sad and helpless. When I was a child I got beat for having my emotions, I got told "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." And that really affected me.. now as an adult I struggle with knowing what to do to help you through those big tough emotions. I've been trying to cuddle with you, hold you, let you know that I am there and I hear your emotions but sometimes it seems to make it worse. I have been feeling lately that no matter what I do, I can't make you happy.. and your happiness is all I want for you; well - and your health. Your health is a given. I couldn't imagine anything ever endangering you, it would ruin me.
I didn't do so well on your birthday, I regret it, and I am very sorry. I let something on Facebook trigger and upset me and I couldn't control how upset it made me. I ended up leaving Friendly's early and went to sit in the car. I should have been better for you. I should have controlled my emotions or had not even gotten involved with it in the first place. It was a video of a little girl with her mom hitting her in the face with a rolled magazine in front of her classroom and other people were praising the mom, saying she was doing a good thing.. and it really upset me and set me off. I wasn't 100% for you and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. :(
I just hope you know how entirely much I love you. I truly truly do. <3
You have turned 8 this month. Recently has been quite hard on you and I both. In January I was hospitalized for a few weeks and you had a really difficult time with that. I am really sorry to you but I needed the help for me to be the best mom I can be for you. I am sorry that my past unresolved issues and traumas impact the kind of mom I am for you.. I really truly am trying my very best each and every day. I have been reading books on peaceful parenting, working on stopping my yelling impulses, and I've really been trying to reconnect more and more with you each day. It's really difficult though because you are emotionally struggling really bad recently and I don't know what I can do to help you. I've put you into play therapy - you've had 3 visits so far. I don't know if it will be of any benefit to you yet. You are a very sensitive little girl and I don't know how to help you through your emotions. Knowing that, it makes me feel very sad and helpless. When I was a child I got beat for having my emotions, I got told "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." And that really affected me.. now as an adult I struggle with knowing what to do to help you through those big tough emotions. I've been trying to cuddle with you, hold you, let you know that I am there and I hear your emotions but sometimes it seems to make it worse. I have been feeling lately that no matter what I do, I can't make you happy.. and your happiness is all I want for you; well - and your health. Your health is a given. I couldn't imagine anything ever endangering you, it would ruin me.
I didn't do so well on your birthday, I regret it, and I am very sorry. I let something on Facebook trigger and upset me and I couldn't control how upset it made me. I ended up leaving Friendly's early and went to sit in the car. I should have been better for you. I should have controlled my emotions or had not even gotten involved with it in the first place. It was a video of a little girl with her mom hitting her in the face with a rolled magazine in front of her classroom and other people were praising the mom, saying she was doing a good thing.. and it really upset me and set me off. I wasn't 100% for you and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. :(
I just hope you know how entirely much I love you. I truly truly do. <3
Sunday, June 7, 2015
You've changed your name to Rosie.
Dear Rosie.... :D
So Lailah - you've decided today to change your name to Rosie. You want a "school name" and a "home name". I've asked you if you dislike your name and that's why you want to change it but you've reassured me that you love your name it's "cute and pretty and everyone likes it" but that you just want a "real name" for at home and your "other name" for school. So today you spent maybe 20 mins looking up names online with me - you couldn't decide between Rosie, Ella, and Daisy. But you eventually decided on Rosie. This could be just a phase you're in but even if it's not I am respecting your decision on this. :) I am encouraging your individuality and creativity. Maybe you'll stay Rosie for a long time - maybe next week you'll want to change it back to Lailah again. Either way is good with me. :) You let me know that you were very serious about this though and really wanted to do this. So here we go. :)
I've also made a difficult decision - after talking to you about it, that you will not be having anymore sleep over visits at your dads/grandparents house anymore. For many reason - which include but are not limited to :
1. I ask your dad to have you home at a certain time. Say - I say 6:30 pm because that is when I will be home from work and I ask that if you need to be home earlier then to please bring you to mamee's house - since I wouldn't be at home before then. Yet they bring you back at 6 and then claim I wasn't home and instead of taking you to mamee's they take you home and I'm not there so instead they keep you and then when I get off work I have to call around hoping that someone answers to find you. Then when I get in contact with someone I am told I must go out of my way to go pick you up from whereever they are because they didn't care to bring you to the home of which I asked you to be dropped off at.
2. Your father and grandparents don't have good communication. It should be your fathers responsibility to respond to my texts and calls and follow through and if he can't he should alert you grandparents and then the responsibility falls on them to follow through. Like for example when I asked them to practice your spelling words with you and they didn't and you came home and didn't know any of them and we only had a day to practice them and then you struggled on your test.
3. You come home telling me about the physical punishments and the emotional/verbal abuse that they place on Ava your little cousin who at the moment is ONLY 3 years old. They have hit her in the mouth, they spank her often, they threaten her with punishments, they tell her to stop crying and don't allow her to feel emotions, they mock her, they compare you against her, they make her stand in the corner often and for lengthly periods, they make her cry, and they are just really mean to her - in your words "for no reason - for just wanting to be a normal kid!". That doesn't sit well with me at all. I do not parent you in those ways and I don't want you to ever feel that that is acceptable ways to treat anybody - nevermind a child.
4. You also tell me about how they abuse their dog Roxy. How she is so afraid of them that she's afraid to leave her cage and that she shakes all the time because she's so afraid of them. I don't feel that that is appropriate for you to be around.
5. Your dad is always working as he said "his ass off" in a text to me today - he's never really home so you're often left with your grandparents. The point of visitation is for him and you to be able to visit - spend time together. Also - he works so damn much yet he hasn't paid child support in 4 months to help care for you at all. He hasn't even bought anything that helps support you either.
I've been thinking about all of this for a long time but I'm finally putting my foot down and I'm going to do what I feel is in your best interest.
Now - just because I am not allowing anymore overnight visits does not mean that you can not visit with your dad. I told him that we can contact one another and set up visits like at the park, zoo, beach, etc. That way you both can continue a healthy relationship. I hope that this has a good influence and not a bad one. Only time will tell and if it doesn't seem to be working out then I'll find something else that will - that will be positive and healthy for you. <3
In other news
The other day you made me so proud of you. You really wanted to play with your brother but he was busy playing with something else and whenever you tried to play with him he would get mad at you and he just wanted to be left alone. You came to me about it and I encouraged you to work it out - figure it out. So after about 10 mins you problem solved. You got a ball and you offered to trade the ball to Noel for the toy he had and then you asked to play with him. Then you both played together happily. <3
I love you my little Rosie. <3
So Lailah - you've decided today to change your name to Rosie. You want a "school name" and a "home name". I've asked you if you dislike your name and that's why you want to change it but you've reassured me that you love your name it's "cute and pretty and everyone likes it" but that you just want a "real name" for at home and your "other name" for school. So today you spent maybe 20 mins looking up names online with me - you couldn't decide between Rosie, Ella, and Daisy. But you eventually decided on Rosie. This could be just a phase you're in but even if it's not I am respecting your decision on this. :) I am encouraging your individuality and creativity. Maybe you'll stay Rosie for a long time - maybe next week you'll want to change it back to Lailah again. Either way is good with me. :) You let me know that you were very serious about this though and really wanted to do this. So here we go. :)
I've also made a difficult decision - after talking to you about it, that you will not be having anymore sleep over visits at your dads/grandparents house anymore. For many reason - which include but are not limited to :
1. I ask your dad to have you home at a certain time. Say - I say 6:30 pm because that is when I will be home from work and I ask that if you need to be home earlier then to please bring you to mamee's house - since I wouldn't be at home before then. Yet they bring you back at 6 and then claim I wasn't home and instead of taking you to mamee's they take you home and I'm not there so instead they keep you and then when I get off work I have to call around hoping that someone answers to find you. Then when I get in contact with someone I am told I must go out of my way to go pick you up from whereever they are because they didn't care to bring you to the home of which I asked you to be dropped off at.
2. Your father and grandparents don't have good communication. It should be your fathers responsibility to respond to my texts and calls and follow through and if he can't he should alert you grandparents and then the responsibility falls on them to follow through. Like for example when I asked them to practice your spelling words with you and they didn't and you came home and didn't know any of them and we only had a day to practice them and then you struggled on your test.
3. You come home telling me about the physical punishments and the emotional/verbal abuse that they place on Ava your little cousin who at the moment is ONLY 3 years old. They have hit her in the mouth, they spank her often, they threaten her with punishments, they tell her to stop crying and don't allow her to feel emotions, they mock her, they compare you against her, they make her stand in the corner often and for lengthly periods, they make her cry, and they are just really mean to her - in your words "for no reason - for just wanting to be a normal kid!". That doesn't sit well with me at all. I do not parent you in those ways and I don't want you to ever feel that that is acceptable ways to treat anybody - nevermind a child.
4. You also tell me about how they abuse their dog Roxy. How she is so afraid of them that she's afraid to leave her cage and that she shakes all the time because she's so afraid of them. I don't feel that that is appropriate for you to be around.
5. Your dad is always working as he said "his ass off" in a text to me today - he's never really home so you're often left with your grandparents. The point of visitation is for him and you to be able to visit - spend time together. Also - he works so damn much yet he hasn't paid child support in 4 months to help care for you at all. He hasn't even bought anything that helps support you either.
I've been thinking about all of this for a long time but I'm finally putting my foot down and I'm going to do what I feel is in your best interest.
Now - just because I am not allowing anymore overnight visits does not mean that you can not visit with your dad. I told him that we can contact one another and set up visits like at the park, zoo, beach, etc. That way you both can continue a healthy relationship. I hope that this has a good influence and not a bad one. Only time will tell and if it doesn't seem to be working out then I'll find something else that will - that will be positive and healthy for you. <3
In other news
The other day you made me so proud of you. You really wanted to play with your brother but he was busy playing with something else and whenever you tried to play with him he would get mad at you and he just wanted to be left alone. You came to me about it and I encouraged you to work it out - figure it out. So after about 10 mins you problem solved. You got a ball and you offered to trade the ball to Noel for the toy he had and then you asked to play with him. Then you both played together happily. <3
I love you my little Rosie. <3
Thursday, May 21, 2015
I love you forever.
Lailah: I love you more than all the streets and streets and streets until they end. And I love you even more than all the people who get older and older and older that are still alive, all of them. And even also more than Stop and shop and the stuff inside it. And I love you more than bigger than the sky and also all the planets on Earth.
Lol!
Goodness you are the sweetest little human I have ever known. I can't tell you just how happy I am to have you in my life. I tell you I love you all the time but it never feels like enough. I hope that you feel how greatly and deeply that I love you. I hope that we continue having the bond and connection that we do and that it will never fade. I hope to have the sort of mommy daughter relationship where you always turn to me and I always be there for you. I hope to receive calls at all times and be there to answer all your questions or to just listen to you vent and to be there for you to help you through problems. I want to be the best mom I can ever be to you until the day I die.
I know that I am raising an incredible little human and I can't wait to see and meet the adult that you will end up becoming. But for now - I will treasure your youth, treasure all these kisses, and hugs, and playful times. Treasure these moments like above where your heart overspills with the love you have for your mama - for me <3
I love you precious girl, forever. <3heart emoticon rjgek
Lol!
Goodness you are the sweetest little human I have ever known. I can't tell you just how happy I am to have you in my life. I tell you I love you all the time but it never feels like enough. I hope that you feel how greatly and deeply that I love you. I hope that we continue having the bond and connection that we do and that it will never fade. I hope to have the sort of mommy daughter relationship where you always turn to me and I always be there for you. I hope to receive calls at all times and be there to answer all your questions or to just listen to you vent and to be there for you to help you through problems. I want to be the best mom I can ever be to you until the day I die.
I know that I am raising an incredible little human and I can't wait to see and meet the adult that you will end up becoming. But for now - I will treasure your youth, treasure all these kisses, and hugs, and playful times. Treasure these moments like above where your heart overspills with the love you have for your mama - for me <3
I love you precious girl, forever. <3heart emoticon rjgek
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
You've turned 7!
I can not believe 7 years have passed since that day and I am so proud of the amazing little girl my Lailah has become!
Huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my little girl who is blossoming into a young lady right before my eyes.
She's literally the most amazing human being I've met so far. She's so intelligent, compassionate, insightful, thoughtful, entertaining, funny, and well you get the picture tongue emoticon. I am so blessed and lucky to be her mommy. I couldn't imagine life without her.
Dear Lailah,
You have turned 7. It is insane to me that you are 7 already. I remember carrying you inside of me and feeling those tiny kicks and hiccups of yours. I remember going to my appointment where I found out that I was expecting you and my life being completely changed forever - for the better. I remember going in and my doctor asking, "Do you know what I'm going to say?" And although I had a slight idea I still had no idea at the same time. Finding out I was expecting you was the most exciting and scariest time of my entire life. And now 7 years have gone by and I am so proud to be your mommy. You are the most incredible human being I've ever known yet. You are so insightful and caring and you truly teach me everyday the human I want to be myself, simply by being you. I know that I'm supposed to teach you and guide you - and trust me I am doing the absolute best that I know how. But YOU also teach ME. I guess we are growing and learning together and I love that more than anything.
I'm going to tell you about your huge and complicated personality lol. You are so many things rolled up into one. You are a little girl with a huge heart - very insightful and inquisitive and you love learning about new things, concepts, and ideas. You are also sort of shy around new people or people that you aren't around too often. You like to stand back and watch new (or not often around) people and new (or not often at) places. You like to get a larger picture of everything before jumping in and joining any fun. You are also so silly and entertaining. You love to make silly jokes or do funny things - like put things on your head or make silly faces with your mouth. You love to make the people you love laugh. You also have the kindest heart and you aim to please everyone you love so you can make them happy. You're sensitive and you aim for fairness and justness and you don't like seeing things that are unfair or unjust because it makes you feel sad and it hurts you. But you also encourage love and empathy as you step in to defend classmates or you bring situations to my attention so they could be worked through emotionally with you or dealt with. You are an amazing human being.
You are currently in the 1st grade. Your teacher is Miss Jaspers. You are good friends with a little girl in school named Isabella. You are catching onto reading really well and I am so incredibly proud of you and your will to learn even though it's difficult for you. You exceed in math and you love it. You definitely have your own preferences in things - you hate wearing jeans, you like to choose your own clothing style, and you like to mix strange foods together lol. Like syrup on your homefries and eggs and peanut butter on your corned beef. :P You've already found out shortly before turning 7 that Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Toothfairy - etc; are all made up stories - you accepted that rather well and now you just help pick things out that you would like for your basket or under the tree lol. You have also completed 3 crochet projects nearly all on your own! You've completed a hat for your friend Reagan, a scarf for your teacher, and a pair of gloves for yourself! I posted pictures of your gloves on a few crochet groups and you have received over 7 THOUSAND likes !!!! And thousands of comments as well telling you how amazing and dedicated you are.
You have your bouts of big difficult emotions as all children do, but you handle them extraordinarily well for your age. Oh and you are a FANTASTIC big sister and I just love how open you have been to not only accepting your brother into our family and your life but how amazingly well you interact with him and teach him new things. You are such a beautiful human inside and out.
At this point in time I'm learning that it is perfectly acceptable and healthy for children to have emotions - growing up, I wasn't allowed to have emotions. I was often harmed - spanked or verbally/emotionally assaulted if I even attempted to show emotions. And it wasn't a pleasant experience. So now I am doing my very very very best to change the way I was brought up, change my old belief system, and work on my own triggers from my past so that I can be the very best mom I could ever be for you (and now your brother as well). I want to teach you that emotions are acceptable, healthy, and okay as long as you can display them in appropriate non threatening manners. So, I've been doing the best I ever could to sit with you and give you a safe environment with me to release those emotions so that you can clear them up and move forward with your days healthier. I am so proud to say that I have been doing my best and that I can see the benefits paying off in you. I am so proud of who you are as a person and I'm more than happy and proud that you're my daughter. I know that I will always love and accept you as a person and an individual and I just hope that you always allow me in and never push me out. I'm here for you, I will always be here for you. You're stuck with me little one. <3
I love you baby. I love you SO incredibly much. <3
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